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Influence plays a vital role in life, especially when you’re given a platform to exercise your authority. In this podcast, Valerie Morris is here to talk about the fine line between being influential and selfish and steps on how to avoid being the latter.
Can you influence someone without being selfish? Got Valerie Morris here. Expert on influence. She wrote the book on influence. And that’s we’re going to talk about today. “How to influence without that selfish.” So, how do we do it? How can we influence others without being selfish? -Well, you know one of the biggest things… We’ve talked about this many times before. But it all comes back to relationships. And I think if you approach your influence building and your authority building from a perspective of I want to build relationships first, you’re really going to put the human first. And you’re going to be coming from a perspective where it’s not all about you. So, it’s really important to keep that human element right there at the center of everything you’re doing. Whether it’s something tangible that’s going to go on your website or in print or it’s something that’s intangible and just something that evokes emotion around your brand. -Mm-hmm. I mean I think of a car salesman who might want to use influence or persuasion to get me to buy a car or buy a lemon, right? That’s from a various… If he wants me to buy a lemon, he’s coming from” I just want the commission”, so he is being selfish. But if somebody is thinking of me and putting me first, they really care about me and I can feel that, then I think I’m much more likely to follow their advice. Is that… Is that what you’re talking about here? -Yeah. Well I think it’s just realizing that you know, whatever you’re doing whether you’re selling a car or you’re building a brand online or you’re building a YouTube channel, it’s realizing that there’s a real human behind the other side of the screen or behind the other side of that credit card transaction. It’s not just about you. And so I think just putting that as an underlying foundation is absolutely critical. But then there’s a couple of things that you can do that are a little bit more practical to help you as you’re trying to think through well how do I actually do this. And the first one is just to educate. When you are educating someone it is the easiest way to put other people first yet still be positioning yourself as that authority figure and as that person that knows way more than the other person. And so whenever you can educate someone whether it’s just a simple quick how-to or it’s something a lot more involved in more complex, anytime you can help explain that, it really sets you apart. And it sends that subconscious signal to the other person that, “Hey, this person knows what they’re doing.” If they know enough to be able to share and explain this to someone, I could trust them to do this for me. Because the reality is a lot of people have come into how to stuff. Some of them are doing it so they can do it themselves. But a lot of times people are coming and really they realize, I can only do so much. I should hire an expert to help me. And so if you can position yourself that way and educate them first, yes you’re giving away some knowledge but it’s also going to help them feel like they can trust you. -Hmm. -The other thing that I love to do and think through is the concept of giving away. And so, if you can just plan to give away anything and everything related to your business, it really comes back to you. -Explain what you mean there? -Well, I know there’s not necessarily hard scientific proof around the concept of giving first and karma coming back to you. But I do believe that the more information you give away, the more you’re going to get it in return. You’re going to get people coming to you and saying, “Hey, I want to buy your products, I want to buy your services because you gave me all of these excellent things.” And we’ve seen this both in our business where we offer up some freebies, we give away a lot of education and then we end up getting a lot more people to come by our services even though we gave away a lot of great content. One of my favorite influencers and digital marketers out there today is Pat Flynn. And I remember him telling me, “Give your best content away.” And I got to be honest, that’s really scary. It’s a really scary concept to give away your best stuff. But the reality is your best stuff now is not necessarily your best stuff ever. So, by giving away really good content, it forces you to level up and make even better content for people that are paying for your stuff. So, I agree with everything that you just said there. But I’m gonna ask something from a contrary position. -Sure. -Because I get asked this question a lot. So, let’s say I’ve got 10 steps to accomplish success. And in a video, I’m going to share my 5… You know, on YouTube, I’m going to teach my 5 steps. An then I’m showing these 5 from my course. -Yes. -Why or why not should I follow that strategy? What’s wrong with that approach. -With giving away 5 and keeping 5 for paid? I don’t know that there’s necessarily a bad piece to that. Because you’re still giving away some valuable content. I think part of that strategic, right? You’re creating this funnel and you’re creating a reason for people to want to opt in to something exclusive and I think there’s something valuable behind that. It’s when people start giving away just barely scratching the surface on something and only halfway going into it. And then saying, “Oh, but you gotta pay to get the full explanation.” That’s the part where you start to see, “Okay, this doesn’t feel very nice because I’m not really being helpful. Someone really needed to know how to fix this lawnmower. And I only showed them how to change the oil.” And it show them how to actually solve the problem. So, I’m thinking back to a time when I watched a YouTube video and fixed my own lawnmower. You know, so there’s things like that where we want to be able to provide concrete thoughts. So, those 5 thoughts that you’re giving away for free are helpful in and up themselves great. If they’re not and you’re just skimming the surface and teasing, I don’t know if that’s really the best thing to do. -So, I appreciate your answer there and I am going to put in a plug for why you do want to share the other 5. -Okay. -And I’ll cover a couple things. So, the reality is in and one 10 minute, so you can’t cover you cover 1. -Sure. -Right? You might cover one tip video 2. But why not… In my experience and opinion, why would I not want to hold back any secrets? The reality is is on YouTube, people really gain value but they don’t typically act on it and implement it yet. -Mm-hmm. So, if I have 10 steps to my system, I can make a video going over every single point. The more value I give, the more they love me and the more they respect me the more they want to work with me. And I found that when people are ready to implement the 10 steps, that’s when they’ll say, “Hey Nate, how much does it cost to work with you or how can I hire you?” And I’ll guide them through these same 10 steps. I found that there’s not really a need to even hold back any of those secrets. -I like it. I like that a lot. -Now, when does influence become manipulation? What’s the difference there? -Well, you know, I think that’s a fine line. When you’re dealing with manipulative concepts and strategies, I think your gut is a really good indicator and you’ll start to pay attention and see things online where you’re just like, “I don’t think that’s quite trustworthy or I don’t feel like that’s really a fair claim that they’re making. I don’t know how they could possibly do that.” And I’ve just found that if I can pay attention and just snip some things out just and not act too fast, usually the truth can shine through or my I can’t you know I have enough time to say yes. I don’t know that I want to trust them just yet. And I think that comes back to influence building taking a little bit of time. And so, I see this a lot with like Facebook ads for example where people will make these incredible claims of I got 500 clients and made X amount million dollars from doing this one simple step. And you can get it all here for the low low price of 10 grand under you know, you want to buy into their program. And they put all sorts of urgency in it. That this offer is only available for certain amount of time. And if it’s not a brand that you know and trust, it’s just I don’t blame you for being concerned about it. I’m concerned about it. Now, if it’s someone that I know and I followed for years and know that they put out great content on a regular basis or I’ve heard them speak or I know people who know them, those are all triggers for me to say, “Well, their program might be legit.” So, I think it’s one of those things where you want to pay attention to different tactics. Because manipulation can be just seen as a lot of marketing tactics. Hey, this offer goes away in 2 hours. You have to act now. Sometimes those things are legitimate. But sometimes they’re not necessary. And so the offer is probably going to be around again. Odds are those types of offers are set up as retargeting and different things like that. So, I always like to think through and take a big deep breath before I make any big decision. But it is a fine line between manipulation and influence. And honestly, my best advice is just to take time because I do believe the truth will shine. -Yeah. I really like that. I like that conversation. So as you’re describing that, a lot of memories came back to me of people that I’ve experienced. And also you know, different sales tactics or webinar tactics that I have seen others use and think, “Oh, well I’ve got to do it.” And as I said those things like, “Yeah, it expires tonight at midnight.” Or I just felt like this is just not me. Do I really have to say this stuff? The great thing that we’re talking about with YouTube is that we’re not creating a marketing campaign where we’re having people there and we’re selling them and they need to buy right now. We’re building that long-term relationship. And we’re really building influence. We’re really building a tribe that love us, that want things from us. So yeah, it does take time I like that. -It does. -Thank You Valerie for sharing your expertise and wisdom. This is the book on influence. You can find it on Amazon. We’re All Ears, Valerie Morris. And of course be sure to subscribe. We’ll see you tomorrow.