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It happens every year: we set new goals, get all excited, listen and try to follow popular strategies, and end up with a laundry list of the things we haven’t achieved.
What are we missing? What are those popular people who give us advice that doesn’t get results missing?
It’s not that they’re completely wrong; it’s because they’re lacking a particular foundation that makes all the difference!
I’ve learned a lot of things on my journey to success; a lot of that had to do with setting goals in a way that most people probably haven’t heard of or even considered.
I’m really excited to share this with you, because it has honestly changed my life. I started getting results that I thought were out of my reach.
But more than that, my outlook on what I want for myself and my approach to achieving those goals genuinely became more powerful and more focused. The principles I learned in setting goals also helped me become happier in many areas of my life and helped me realize what I need to become the best version of myself!
Where smart goals go wrong
Let’s start with something you’ve definitely heard before: you need to set smart goals. Well, that’s actually true, but it’s the mindset that keeps us from getting the results we want.
Now a lot of advice we get – maybe from our family, our advisors, even some experts – focuses on the idea that we shouldn’t look to the past or set goals for the future, because that distracts from happiness in the present.
There’s truth to this: we do need to be present in the moment and stay in the now. But that’s not giving you the complete picture. Wisdom comes from going back to the past and progress comes from visualizing and aiming for the future we want.
That’s how creation works! We free ourselves from limitations in the past, accept what is in the present, and set goals for the future.
Replacing happiness with goals
See, the problem isn’t setting goals for the future. It’s one of the most important things in life and what I consider to be the ultimate form of self-care.
The problem is when we think achieving something we don’t have will bring us happiness. We’re replacing happiness with something we want and unless we get it, we won’t be happy.
When we’re always chasing happiness, that doesn’t work both for our well-being and for how effective we are at accomplishing what we want. Believe me, I know – I’ve tried this before and it never made me feel like I
My mentor gave me a valuable idea that I always consider: I already have access to what I want, it just has to come from my mind and my thinking.
It’s not what we achieve, but who we become
What I think we’re missing is focusing on what’s really important. It’s not achieving the goals that matter, but who we become in the process.
There’s a saying that goes, “It’s not the destination; it’s the journey.” It might be cliché, but clichés often hold a lot of truth.
Making money or getting to a milestone isn’t nearly as important as getting on the journey towards that. It’s all about taking on all the obstacles that lead us to growth and help us realize who we can become.
The reason we set goals is not so we can achieve them and gain happiness through that. We set goals because it sets a course, a direction for us to follow and focus on.
There’s a lot more that setting goals can give us, so let’s dive into its advantages. Let’s talk about why they are so important in helping us realize our fullest potential and expanding our capabilities.
1) We become better people.
Take note that this is an advantage of setting goals, not achieving goals. Achieving something you want doesn’t necessarily make you better; it’s overcoming challenges that does.
These difficulties and obstacles only come up when we set goals and work on them. When we learn from our mistakes, we become wiser, more influential, and more empathetic towards others.
2) We focus on the important things.
Ever feel like you’re overloaded with information and distractions? This is why our brains have something called the “reticular activating system”. It sifts through all the input our mind and senses receive to figure out what’s important.
Now you might say, “Well, that’s what the body does – it’s voluntary!” But setting goals helps us have a more active hand in choosing what we focus on. It reminds us to keep our eyes on the prize and prioritize what leads us towards achieving that.
3) It impacts our thoughts.
Setting goals affects the way we think about ourselves, the people around us, and our circumstances. It tells us, “Hey, that task might be hard to do, but it’s going to push me where I need to go,” or “It may seem like I can’t do it now, but if I do it, then I’m a step closer to achieving my goals.” We’re always going to have thoughts – why not drive them towards the direction we want?
This is actually the most important advantage setting goals has! See, it’s a process: Setting goals impact our thoughts, which create our feelings. Feelings drive our actions, which drives our actions which bring results.
Let me give you a more concise visual of that:
Thoughts -> Feelings -> Actions -> Results
When you think about setting goals and achieving them this way, you’ll realize how much power and choice you do have in getting the results you want!
Abundance Vs Scarcity
When we want to set the right goals and get on the track to achieving them, we’ve got to have the right mindset for it. That’s actually one of the most crucial components of setting goals, but unfortunately a lot of people miss that because they want results right away without putting themselves in the right mindset first.
Take time to evaluate yourself. Are you a dreamer? Do you dream about your future and want to get somewhere in particular? Or do you just focus on putting out daily fires, punching in and out like clockwork?
The latter means you’re operating from a place of scarcity. It’s what reminds us what we don’t have and keeps us down in the dumps. It triggers our negative emotions and – what’s worse – doesn’t give us a way out of them.
So instead, we need to dream from a place of abundance! That’s where we can set goals and stay on the right track that we want to follow.
How do we make that happen? I’ve got 6 steps you need to take so you can get there:
1) Pair up things you want with things you have.
Think of 5 things you want. Pretty easy, right? Now think of 5 things you have that can help you get there. This is a really effective exercise when it comes to setting goals.
For instance, one of the things I want most in life – I mean boy, do I want this – is to see the earth from space. This one brings up a lot of negative emotions with me, as much as I hate to admit it, because it makes me focus on what I want so badly but still haven’t experienced.
But what I do is pair it up with something I already have which is really important to achieve that goal – I have sight!
The reason I want to see the earth from space is to be amazed by how beautiful it is, to appreciate that vision. And I can’t achieve that without my sight, which already allows me to experience so many good things, like getting to see and experience nature in full color when I go hiking.
See, it doesn’t just address negative emotions, it even brings out positive ones or emotions of abundance; in this case, it’s gratitude. I feel grateful because I can see well and even just with that one simple thing, I can find a way to get to space.
Always try to mix in what you want by what you do have. It’s a great way to remind you that the tools are already there – you just have to use them!
2) Write down your goals.
Somehow writing down makes goals easy to remember, which means they’re easier to achieve. I don’t really know the science behind it – if there is – but this really helped me, and I’m sure it would work for you too.
You can just keep going back to them and reading them every day when you want to or when you think you’ve been getting distracted and you want to remind yourself what’s important.
When you write them down, be specific with what goals you want to achieve! Answer the “what”, “when”, “how much”, or maybe a combination of those questions. Leave out the “how”; you’ll figure it out as you go along and I’ll give you a few tips on that later.
3) Acknowledge all your emotions, especially negative ones.
It’s important to expect to feel a lot of negative emotions when we’re setting goals. That’s a good thing! I know it doesn’t feel great, but It means we’re stretching ourselves out of our comfort zones. In fact, if you’re not feeling negative emotions, you’re probably not stretching far enough.
All emotions are good – we have to experience them because that’s how we know we’re making progress. We have to acknowledge how we feel and try to understand it.
The reason why we have negative emotions about goals is because it’s paired with negative thinking. “I don’t know how I’m going to do that,” or “I’m not good enough to achieve that”. When we think that way, it’s only natural to feel frustrated or disappointed or even angry.
But remember: we can think about our thinking. Now we know we need to process it. We can say, “Okay, that negative emotion is there. It’s probably because I’m eager to achieve this goal. But being disappointed in my work today doesn’t mean I can’t achieve what I want – it just gives me an opportunity to learn what I should and shouldn’t do.”
It’s important to recognize negative thoughts that bring out negative emotions, but the amazing part is that we can choose not to believe them!
4) Go to a place where you’ve already achieved your goals.
When you find yourself drowning in negative thoughts, what we can do is to go to a place where you’ve already achieved the goal. Use the power of imagination – we can choose to believe in we’re already there. That way, we can also choose the emotion that we feel in that place of belief.
Why is this important? Doesn’t this keep our head in the clouds? Actually, it’s the opposite! With this mindset, we could start writing and laying out our action plan.
See, the point is to ask ourselves, “If nothing were stopping me, if there was no way I could fail, what would I do achieve that goal?”
Operating like nothing is stopping you and thinking about what you’d do in that situation – these help you take the first step to concrete action!
Remember our visual? Thoughts lead to feelings which lead to actions which lead to results!
So it’s not about shoving aside the negative emotion; it’s acknowledging it then moving past it by choosing to go to this place of believing you’ve already achieved it.
5) Create an action plan in reverse
When you have that mindset where you’ve already accomplished your goal, you can create an action plan in reverse. This means you don’t focus on the how, you focus on the goal itself
Think about the goal you “accomplished.” What’s the step towards achieving it just before that end result? And what comes before that step? And then before that?
It’s like looking back at the path we took and taking things in retrospect, which gives us more clarity in taking the steps towards achieving our goals.
The more you break it down into smaller and smaller steps, the more you go into detail, the better!
6) Set “do” goals to achieve your “dream” goals.
Let’s get a bit more practical. So you’ve already got these major goals that you want to achieve in the future. They’re your “dream” goals. It can be overwhelming to just focus on that day in and day out, because it might seem a little too far off from your reality.
What really sets you in motion towards accomplishing them is the habits and actions you do every day. These are your “do” goals. What can you do today that will help you achieve what you want in the future?
For instance, your “dream” goal is to make a great speech at a large conference. Your “do” goal for the next days and weeks is to apply to as many conferences as you can. Or let’s say your “dream” goal is to get engaged. Your “do” goal would be to go on dates every weekend.
They don’t have to be big; in fact, it’s actually better for them to be smaller so you can practice them in your everyday life.
Setting “do” goals makes it easier for us to keep track of our progress. More importantly, though, it creates habits and helps us take action so we can move towards our dream goals. This makes achieving them so much easier – maybe even inevitable!
Becoming your very best self
What happens when we achieve the goals we set out?
Set new goals. Keep finding different things you want to accomplish. Again, it’s not important whether we achieve the goals or not. There might even be a few we don’t get to.
The point is to keep growing and keep learning! It’s being excited about the new paths we can take towards becoming the person we want to be.
What matters is the lessons, experiences, wisdom, and relationship we build along the way. Setting goals is there to get us on that journey and keep us focused on that.
Trust me, when you internalize these principles and apply the right way to set goals, it’s going to change your life in so many ways and so many aspects.
What are some goals you’re trying to achieve? What have you learned in trying to do so? Do you have any other tips on setting goals? Share your thoughts with me and let’s talk!